Going back into the field

Pictured are our good friends the Davydovs, whom we greatly miss. They are really on the path to Yiddishkeit, and need a Rabbi to further guide them. They are standing in front of the World War Veterans Memorial in Stavropol. (Hillel and Anya, top. Nachum and Yossi bottom)



I've been getting alot of flack recently for some of my opinions and statements.

For example, Friday night I went to Yeshiva to Davven Mincha Maariv. My brother Benny had flown in from his shlichus in Los Cabos, Mexico and we spent half of Maariv catching up, which meant that as everyone left the building I was still finishing Shmoneh Esrei.

When I was done, I turned to leave and bumped into two truly Chassidish and good people in the Montreal community. Both are a couple of years older than me, both do lots of shlichus work in Montreal (though they aren't official shluchim). I should add that I think highly of both of them.

We got into a conversation, and they asked me what I plan on doing. I told them that I am currently writing personal projects and working for someone who sells stamps online.

And what do I plan on doing?

"School" I said.

Their mouths dropped open and they immediately started farbrenging with me.

"You were doing one of the most fulfilling things in the world, and one of the holiest things in a special place (i.e. shlichus in Russia), and you are now going to do THIS? That's like walking slowly upstairs to get to your box seats in the Bell Center only to jump down near the top and run back out into the streets!" (My words..)

What do I tell them? How do I explain to them how badly I want to return to Stavropol and continue what I've started? How do I tell them that I CANNOT go somewhere else until I know that someone is caring for the Jews of Stavropol? Because the fact is, no one else will, at least not on a spiritual level.

Do I still consider myself a Shliach? no. But I am not ready to start a new place, not until they have another Rabbi.

I also don't want to give up. I want to leave the option of return forever open (or until there's a new Rabbi). After all, it's Russia we're talking about. They can change their rules tomorrow. I still pray for there to be a 'hishapcha' (complete turnaround) in which we can go back to our shlichus. And I want to be ready to return. But things could get complicated should I be somewhere else.

It feels like a stab in the back for me to go somewhere else, particularly so quickly. In a sense, it would mean that I was there for them, but now that I'm gone they are forgotten. This is why when Chayale goes back to collect our stuff, I want her to mail out to everyone in the community a letter from me, in which I will speak about what we had and what they could have. I will finish off giving them all my contact information, and telling them that I'll be there for them at all times until the city gets a new Rabbi.

One final thought, and a complaint against the Yeshiva system: if it weren't for the 'system', I wouldn't be thinking about going to school. But there are no other options. You gotta be a Rabbi when you finish Yeshiva, since you learn no other skills there. They really need to work on this, in my opinion.

I've seen several people jump from shlichus to shlichus, and get older and older until they have 12 kids and when their final shlichus doesn't work out they are left scrambling with no other alternatives. I don't want to live like that. It's not fair to my family. I want to learn something I can always fall back on, should shlichus not work out. And with only 2 kids, now is my last opportunity.

And that my friends, is why I am not rushing into another shlichus just yet.