The life and trials of a single Dad (day 2)

Miriam just went to sleep. It has been a long day, so I think that when I finish this I will also plunk my tuches in bed.

Last night Chaim cried for about 5 minutes before falling asleep.

"How touching," I thought (naively, as you'll soon see). "He misses his Mommy."

I surfed the internet, cleaned up a little, and fell asleep. I even remember my dream, in which I was touring a Jewish university where I was thinking of becoming a student. I was very impressed with its facilities, and at the end of the tour my guide brought us (there were other potential students with me) to the university kitchen, where lunch would be waiting for us each day.

The kitchen was massive, with silver steel tables all over the place and lots of giant sinks. The guide then led us to the food warehouse, at which point the dream got strange. In order to get to the storage warehouse you had to go down these stairs that led from a garden to a door under the earth. When the door was opened, we saw a tiny little room with a couple of boxes of apples, oranges and hay (odd, huh? there weren't even any ANIMALS in my dream). The room was TINY.

We stepped inside, and then the guy ran out laughing, and shut and bolted the door behind him. We could hear him snorting from laughter on the other side, but we were stuck in this tiny underground room with only apples, oranges and hay to eat, and suddenly for some reason we discovered that the air was going.

Meanwhile this hilarious prankster is giggling like crazy behind the door. As I tried thinking of a way out, I very vaguely heard soft crying. I looked around, and sure enough it got louder.

Soon it got loud enough to wake me from my slumber, and I realized Miriam was screaming from her room. I rolled out of bed, and wandered into the kitchen rubbing my eyes. 1:30 AM. I said a word that I am not allowed to write here (but it rhymed with 'trap').

Then I went into her room to put her pacifier in her mouth and go back to sleep, but she only cried harder. I tried everything, and finally had to remove her from the area so as not to wake Chaim. Apparently she had a booboo and was hungry and wanted to go to sleep without a diaper.

I stayed up with the cranky child for an hour and a half before I finally managed to coax her into the guestroom bed. I put a towel under her to absorb the dampness which is the reality of an overnight with no diaper. I went back to sleep.

6:00 AM Chaim wakes up crying. And he's again inconsolible. Figuring he was hungry I fed him a large breakfast. But he was still upset, so I put him back to bed where he fell asleep for half an hour. Meanwhile Miriam was awake, her bed full of pish, the towel having apparently been used mid-sleep as a wipe.

I put everything in the wash and then hung around a bit hoping to fall asleep with Miriam jumping on me. At some point she raked her nails across my nose, and now it looks like I caught a raccoon in a garbage can or something. (I say that to people so they shouldn't think my 2 year old daughter beat me up).

Soon I got them dressed and out of the house. It was cold outside, so I went in to get Chaim's blanket. Realizing that it was still in the dryer from yesterdays fiasco (and he had slept with my blanket), I fetched it and brought it down to him. His eyes lit up and he exploded in joy, hugging it and kissing it, and I realized that it was not his mother he had been missing all night and morning.

After dropping Miriam off in camp, I came home and put Chaim to bed. He curled up happily with his blanket and fell asleep (for several long hours, I am told). Meanwhile before work I figured I'd take a shower, since I couldn't yesterday due to the plumbing.

I left the front door open so my sister-in-law Chavi can come in (she babysits in the morning), went into the bathroom, and got naked.

I turned on the shower and got ready to step in, and hear the front door close.

"Chavi?" I called.

"Hello?" a voice answered. Not Chavi, but a woman nonetheless.

"Um, one minute!" I shouted, wondering who would walk into a house. I dressed and came out, and this strange lady I have seen before was standing there.

"Hi, I'm ready to start work."

"Huh?"

"You know, cleaning."

At that moment my mother called. "Zvi, I forgot to tell you! This morning your cleaning lady is supposed to come!"

So I went back into the shower while she mopped the floors. Then I went to work. There I found out that one of the stamp dealing programs had been corrupted somehow and I could no longer go online at work. I said a word that cannot be published here (let's just say it rhymed with 'Shmoy geShvald'). That sucks, because I do such boring work and going online when it gets too rough is the only thing keeping me going.

At 1, I couldn't handle it, and left. Chayale called, and we chatted for awhile. She is writing everything down, and when she returns I'll try to convince her to post it here. The one really nice thing she mentioned was that when she arrived at the Stavropol airport late at night, there was an entourage from the community there waiting for her.

I wrote for a bit, and did some shopping, and then made a gourmet dinner of hot dog in scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes, and salad (all made by me, all making everyone say something that rhymes with rum).

The kids were exhausted by 6:30, and I put them to bed. Chaim went straight to sleep, but Miriam was awake until I 9:30. I finally made a huge second dinner for her, after which she promptly fell asleep.

I'm so tired. I'm gonna go get some shluffication.