Rebuttal part 3: Nastiness. please don't pass this along

Yefim being told the news about the Sefer Torah. I expected him at the time to react with joy, as he claimed he was passionate about Judaism.






3 – But things got worse. At the end of the month, I received a phone call from Yefim. “In one hour there is a board meeting,” he said, “you must come. And have your secretary come with.”

I dropped what I was doing, and rushed to the center. Being that we had no time to organize a baby-sitter, Chayale brought the kids along. I also called Viktoria, who dropped what she was doing and came.

When we got there, the ‘Zal’ (hall) was packed. About 15 people were there, which was odd. Usually board meetings had 5 people. Why were so many people there? I had a suspicion, and it was confirmed when Yefim pulled out a… how should I call this… Dossier sounds about right. Thick papers, carefully prepared over days, perhaps even weeks.

He then spent the next full hour going in detail over all the ‘crimes’ I had committed. This in public, in front of many members of the community. I looked around, and they were eating it up. Igr Lerner was the only man who kept looking at me and winking. His way of telling me things were ok. His complaints boiled down to: The Rabbi has tons of money, and he isn’t sharing. We have been awfully nice to him by allowing him the use of our office, but he hasn’t done anything in return. The Rabbi is trying to force his religion on people. He isn’t asking the board for advice, and isn’t sharing his monetary expenses with them. The Rabbi wants a Synagogue back even though he hasn’t consulted with the board beforehand. He doesn’t take anti-Semitism into account. He didn’t hire any Jewish workers.

I was shocked. At one point, Chayale told me to close my mouth. My jaw had dropped open and stayed there for the first half of his speech. I couldn’t believe this was happening. When he finished, he paused and waited for me to speak. I slowly stood up. By the way, I sent this all in an immediate email to Rabbi Lazar.

“I was only told of this meeting an hour ago, and so had no time to prepare.” I said.

By that time already his supporters had started shouting at me, and wouldn’t let me speak. I sat down. Finally after a while of trying to speak, I told them that I had been a decent guy who had let them speak for an hour, but can’t they give me 2 minutes? When they quieted down, I told them that I had no idea they were this upset. I said that I think the obvious question is, can we work together? But the real question is, do we want to work together? I told them that I definitely wanted to.

At this point Yana stood up and said that they never wanted a Rabbi in the first place (which came as another shock). When Moscow had asked them if they need a Rabbi, they had said no, and then they had sent me anyway! She pulled out a picture of Rabbi Shayevich (the other chief Rabbi of Russia, along with Rabbi Lazar), and said: ‘this is the Rabbi we want!’ She then went further, asking some of the older people if they want a Synagogue. “No!” One man kept saying. Then she went personal, calling Chayale a “low person” (I had to substitute these words for what she really said. It was disgusting) for sitting on the floor. At this point she had gone too far, and people tried calming her down, telling her the obvious – that we had no idea that in Russia women aren’t allowed to sit on the floor. Yefim added then that while we gave them food on Shabbos, there was no meat in the cholent. “The Rabbi keeps all the meat for himself.” This was beyond baseless. In fact, each Friday our housekeeper would divide the meat exactly in half.

I tried to speak again, but it was no use. There was only one man who would listen, that being Dovid Fishman, a smart man on Yefim’s side, whom I honestly admire. I asked him what to do. He told me that he wants us to work together, and he said that he thinks we should write a contract, in which both sides know what they are supposed to do, and this way we can work together. I agreed, and after more nasty words from their side, and more trying to be heard from mine, it was agreed that the board would write up a contract within the next week, and present it to me, after which I would return it with the changes I think appropriate. Dovid Fishman took the board times and notes, and all of this should be able to be seen if you ask him.

Rabbi Lazar wrote me that he also thinks it’s a good idea to have a contract. In the meantime, I decided that I cannot give Yefim any more money. His word doesn’t count for anything, and that day was the worst day of my entire time serving as a Rabbi in Stavropol.

A month went by with no contract. Pesach was approaching and Moscow made me pay for the Matza I bought. I sold the Matza to members of the community after explaining to Yefim that I had actually paid for them – they hadn’t been free. He looked at me like I was lying, and somehow got Matza as well, and sold them for less. I decided not to confront him, rather I sent a few people his way. I also brought all the Matza and grape juice into my office, because I had no idea what he was thinking.

We had organized that the Seders (Pesach meals) would be in the Center, and we prepared for this. I had learnt my lesson, and didn’t ask him for help in getting people to sign the Chametz form. Instead anyone who bought Matza from us signed the Chametz form. I also gave him several of these, and I hope he had people sign them and sent them to Rabbi Lazar.

Erev Pesach I received a frantic call from a young mother. I should mention that we were focusing on the youth of the community, and had become very close with the young parents. The Sunday school was supported by the Sachnut and Yefim (from the Federation), with Yefim giving most of the money. He was officially the headmaster, but he actually taught a small group history on occasion. Anya Davidova was the real administrator of the school, and the children and parents love her. The school is quite popular among the kids, and the parents are close-knit group who support the Sachnut. Very few are friends with Yefim. I remember when we left to Moscow for the conference, he never told Anya that the center would be closed on Sunday, and she was furious with him for that.

Anyway, the young mother asked for my help. There was a program in which packages were being given out by communities to poor children. The program was being coordinated by Yefim, and it had been running for one month. Children who wanted food had to give in some documents which Yefim sent in a list of names to Moscow. Anyway, he decided not to give some of the women, and instead gave to his friends. I told the woman that it was Erev Pesach and I’d take care of it on Chol Hamoed (mid-Pesach). A few other women called and I said the same thing to them.

Chol Hamoed came and I found out the news – the women had turned to Anya Davidova, who had met with Yefim to complain. His response? “You are a nobody in this community…” I can only imagine what he told her, but I have seen for myself how nasty he can be. She came home sobbing and her husband told her that if Yefim thinks she’s a nobody, then she’ll show him she is somebody. And so the next day they showed up to the Center, and took away everything that had to do with the school, moving it all to the Sachnut.

I also went to speak to Yefim. He told me it was not my area, and I had no business poking in since this had nothing do with religion. He may have had a point, but I told him that my job is to ensure peace in the community, and that no one is taking advantage of anyone else. It was the first time I had spoken up to him. He again told me that it’s none of my business.

When I wrote to Rabbi Lazar explaining the situation, he told me that the program (childrens packages) is supposed to be given out by Rabbis, and I should take it away from Yefim (I still have the emails, of course). I felt uncomfortable with his, since I knew it would make Yefim mad, and when Moscow called to confirm this I told them I wanted to give Yefim a fair chance first.

So I sat down with Anya Davidova and together we compiled a list of 30 children (which I still have). Children who in her opinion need the food the most – poorest to richest. I also had Moscow email me the original list of the 30 children that they were under the impression were receiving the packages.

Then I met with Yefim and told him that Moscow wants to give me the project, but I don’t want it. Instead, all I want is to be fair. Let’s sit down together and make a list of 30 children who need it the most. You choose them all.

We sat down, and I still have the papers we wrote and the reasons for all our choices. The first bunch were the obvious children who came from destitute families or single parents. Then he chose children who came from normal families and could use the food. And with one spot remaining I asked him who to choose. He told me that it should be a Halachic Jew rather than a non-Halachic one, and chose another child.

Then I read over the list. It had taken us over an hour to compile it. I asked him if he felt it was fair. He made a few minor changes, but said it was good. Then I pulled out the other two lists and told him that we must be fair now and make a list for Moscow. I told him that he knows the community best, but there may be some children he doesn’t know that Anya knows who are very poor. So we sat down to make the new list.

The first group of kids we put in was anyone on both lists (his and Anyas). Then we put in anyone who was on his list and the list he originally sent Moscow. Finally there were about 10 spaces left, and I asked him if he agreed that anyone in the top 10 deserves automatically to be in. He agreed, and we added a few of his names, and a few of Anya’s names. The last couple of names were from 10 to 15 of the lists, first choosing off his list.

I showed him the new list, and asked him if he thought it was fair. When he saw it, he got angry and told me that he doesn’t agree with this person, or that person. He told me that he knows for a fact that this person owns a restaurant (I’d been in her apartment a one bedroom shack). I told him it didn’t matter, we were trying to be fair. After he kept nitpicking and refusing to go with it, I got frustrated and told him “Fine. You lost the program.”

I called Moscow and he was told that no longer would he be running the program. Incidentally the program was closed in the entire Russia due to lack of funding, so I never got to run it.

However, the next day I got a call from one of the parents of a child not on the list. He told me that Yana had called him and told him that his child wasn’t on my list. I was surprised that Yana would do such a thing. I told him that I had not made the list, and explained him the system which had been used. I told him I would ask Moscow if a few more names could be added.

Meanwhile, Meyer Emanuel, a friend from Ottawa who was doing well in business, agreed to sponsor a kosher kitchen which we would put into the Center. When I told Yefim the good news, that he’d have a brand new kosher kitchen for free, he said that we couldn’t do it. Excuse after excuse followed, it’s government property…

He also told me that we can no longer make cholent on Shabbos, since it was a danger to have a fire cooking on Shabbos in the kitchen. I told him that we’d use a hot plate from Israel, and he said that the electricity would be a problem.

When I told this to Chayale, she was upset and asked why we were still paying for Shabbos. We kept paying for Shabbos, but didn’t prepare any of the food.